


Overthink It

by thegirlwiththedeathlyhallowstattoo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Body Dysphoria, Canon Compliant, Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Cup of China, Viktor with a K, Yuuri doesnt like himself, Yuuri is very mean to himself :(, but viktor likes him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththedeathlyhallowstattoo/pseuds/thegirlwiththedeathlyhallowstattoo
Summary: What happens when Yuuri gets back to the hotel after the Cup of China? He gets in his own head of course.





	Overthink It

Yuuri was pacing back and forth in front of the door to he and Viktor’s hotel room after the Cup of China.

_Just open the door and go in, he told himself, you want to celebrate your medal with Viktor don’t you? It’s no different than any other night after a competition, just open the door._

Except it was different. Because Viktor had kissed him this time. It had been warm and soft and everything Yuuri had always dreamed but never thought he could actually have. After a lifetime of loving him as an idol, and the past couple months falling for him as a man, Viktor had beaten Yuuri to the punch, just like always.

That should make him happy but Yuuri still had so many questions. Viktor had said he’d done it to surprise him, so was a surprise all it had been? Would things be awkward going forward? Should he even mention it? Did his coach not have the same feelings towards Yuuri that he had developed for him?

Yuuri’s heart sank. Of course he didn’t. Viktor Nikiforov could have any person on Earth of course he wouldn’t pick an anxiety ridden, streaky-at-best skater like him. Tears welled in his eyes as he came to a devastating realization. It had definitely just been a weird Viktor-esque coaching ploy meant to motivate him going forward.

He slid down the wall across from the door and put his head between his knees, choking out a single sob before going silent and letting his tears flow freely.

_Stupid_ , he thought, _you’re so incredibly stupid for letting yourself fall in love with him. All you will ever be to him is a fat pig, and something to distract him when he’s bored_.

At this point it felt like his heart might actually give out on him, doing him a favor and letting him die of a broken heart in peace. But deep down he didn’t want to die. He wanted Viktor to have meant that kiss.

When Viktor had first showed up to Hasetsu to be his coach, Yuuri had still thought of him as a god, someone who existed on a seperate and unattainable level of being. That had been bad enough because Yuuri couldn’t even look him in the eyes without panicking. But now it was worse. It was so much worse because they had become partners, equals. Yuuri had to listen to Viktor but Viktor in return listened to Yuuri, he somehow made Yuuri feel irreplaceable and beautiful as a skater, which was a feeling he had never experienced before.

But falling in love with Viktor had gone beyond skating. He had fallen without realizing it as he had watched Viktor exist in his home. From helping Yuuri’s family whenever he could, to the way he beamed when Yuuri’s mother taught him to make katsudon, every experience involving Viktor in Hasetsu was endearing. And now Yuuri was royally fucked because Viktor had kissed him once and he never wanted to be not kissing Viktor.

It was at this point, with his mind supplying a constant stream of panic, when the door to his room flew open, causing Yuuri’s head to jerk up at the noise, and Viktor was standing there with his arms folded, looking down at the huddled mass that was Yuuri Katsuki.

“Yuuri, I’ve been able to hear you out here for an hour would you please come in? I made you some tea. You’re worrying me.”

Viktor had been worried about him. A small fragment of his shattered heart seemed to lighten at the idea. Dammit he really was an idiot.

He rose from the floor without saying anything, he had stopped crying but he knew his eyes were still red and puffy, and entered the room, crossing the floor to sit on his bed on the far side of it.

Viktor sat down on his own bed facing him, and handed him a cup of tea before speaking. “If my actions today upset you I’m very sorry. I’ve always had an issue with impulse control and I will try harder in the future to do better,” Viktor said with an uncomfortable air of professionalism. It sounded rehearsed.

Yuuri tried to find the right words without giving too much away, but just ended up panicking. “No. I uh. Well ya see, I just. I um. Thank you for the kiss.”

He felt his face heat up as soon as the words left his mouth and immediately began berating himself in his mind ( _you absolute fucking dumb pig, I can’t believe you just said that_ ) as Viktor smirked at him.

“Ya you liked it? It seemed like the right time” Viktor said softly as he got up from his own bed and moved to Yuuri’s, sitting so close to him that their thighs touched and causing Yuuri to place his cup on the nightstand so he didn’t fling it halfway across the room in his extra anxious state.

Viktor started to lean towards him with a significant look in his eyes and Yuuri was just about to throw caution to the wind and lean in as well, when his rational side took over and he realized that he couldn’t take the pain again, especially not so soon.

“No.” Yuuri said as he placed a hand against Viktor’s shoulder to stop him and scooted away on the bed, turning his eyes to the floor because he couldn’t look into Viktor’s.

Viktor looked confused. “No? But you thanked me. I thought you liked it.”

At this point Yuuri saw no option but to tell the truth. No matter how sad he is he can’t bring himself to hurt Viktor’s feelings with a lie.

“I liked it too much,” he said, feeling the tears start to prickle at the corners of his eyes again as he spoke, “I wanted it to be real but it was just you trying to surprise me. Like some weird coaching thing. I can’t let you do it again because all I want is to kiss you for real.”

Yuuri squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears fall, but he immediately opened them again as he felt Viktor’s hand grab his face and force him to look into his eyes.

“Yuuri, you’re going to listen and you’re going to listen good ok? I wanted to kiss you to surprise you in the moment yes, but do you really think I’d have done it if that was the only reason? I’ve wanted to kiss you for months now, really since I first met you. I wanted to kiss you because you’re so beautiful, and because you skate like nothing I’ve ever seen, and because you’re somehow so strong and so kind at the same time. Basically I wanted to kiss you, and still do, because every time I learn something new about you it makes me fall in love with you all over again.”

By the time all of that finally processed, Yuuri felt like his brain had short circuited. All he could do was sit there and stare at Viktor, whose hand had fallen to his side. It was the sheepish look that Viktor gave him that finally spurred him into action. Yuuri launched himself at Viktor, planting his lips firmly on the other man’s. Immediately Viktor fell back, letting Yuuri straddle him on the bed and bunching his fists up in Yuuri's shirt. Their mouths moved roughly together, wanting to take in as much of the other as possible, and when Yuuri pulled Viktor’s bottom lip with his teeth, the resulting moan caused his mind to go blank all over again.

Yuuri yanked off his own shirt and then Viktor’s, covering the newly exposed skin with kisses and bites, running his tongue over sensitive skin. He was finally able to express his thoughts as he coaxed breathy gasps out of the man beneath him.

“You. Goddamn. Idiot.” he breathed, accentuating the words with kisses, “You could have anyone, and you choose me. You’re fucking crazy.”

At this Yuuri felt strong hands push him away from his task of marking Viktor as thoroughly as possible. Viktor looked up at him with concern written all over his face. Yuuri hadn’t realized he had begun to tear up again.

“What could you possibly mean by that, Yuuri?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused in a way that only made Yuuri want to cry harder. He flopped over so that they were lying facing each other in Yuuri’s bed, and Viktor’s hand moved from his hip up to his hair where he began to stroke it gently.

“I just,” Yuuri took a deep breath and continued, “I just don’t deserve you. And you’re you and you’re perfect and could have the perfect partner. But then you tell me that you want me and I feel bad that you got stuck with a fat worthless me.”

Yuuri had never seen Viktor look so hurt in his entire life. “I can’t believe you think that about yourself. I am so far from perfect my love, and you are the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever seen in this world.”

“Don’t lie to me just because you lo-” Yuuri tried to cut in, but to no avail.

“No. I will never lie to you. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how beautiful you truly are. As a person, as a skater, and as my partner. I love you Yuuri.”

And that was the final straw. They both began to sob, clutching the other for support. Slowly their cries faded into occasional sniffles and stray tears, and as they fell asleep in each other’s arms Yuuri had never been so glad that he was going to be proven wrong.


End file.
